did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize