it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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