if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize