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I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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