We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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