Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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