I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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