Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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