I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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