slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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