So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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