Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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