I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize