I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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