Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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