I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize