i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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