i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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