Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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