I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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