Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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