I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a beard to bite.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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