So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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