ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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