its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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