there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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