when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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