Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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