Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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