i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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