1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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