im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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