he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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