Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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