I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize