best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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