guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize