The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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