I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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