I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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