maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My vagina is officially offended.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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