sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize