You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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