Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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