I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize