the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize