You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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