I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize