it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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