I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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